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DEMON ATTACK!  WHAT'S YOUR DEFENSE?

9/6/2013

9 Comments

 
IMPORTANT NOTE:
This blog is moving to www.delvewriters.com. 
We hope to see you there next week!

They're Ba-ack!

My writing demons have returned.  Or have they?

You see, the last couple months have been chock full of ducks, which gave my writing demons the perfect opportunity to swoop in and wreak havoc.  And swoop and wreak they did, or so it appeared.  Here's what happened:

In the midst of a very chaotic summer, I sent my current work-in-progress out to "beta readers" as a sanity check of sorts before I submit the manuscript to two agents who requested it.  When I sent it to the beta readers I felt pretty dang good about it.  I knew it wasn't perfect, but I was spitting in the face of my perfectionist demon (sorry, Harpy), feeling confident the story and the writing were good.  Perhaps even "good enough."
Picture

Then came back-to-school chaos, and I was so wrapped up taking care of ducks,
I wasn't thinking about demons at all.  I let my guard down.  That's when I received the critiques from my beta readers. 

As an unpublished writer, even when my guard is UP I have a permanent chink in my armor where demons can slip in:  I'm already always asking myself
"Am I good enough?"

This is the part of the story where the demons swoop in. 

Even though most of the beta readers' feedback was positive, a few tiny criticisms snowballed in my psyche. 
I began to feel like the manuscript SUCKED.  Like the problems were insurmountable:  too many, too varied, too widespread, too inherent--take your pick.  I became certain I'd never be able to fix them.  My story would never be
"good enough," much less perfect.  I could work for several more years on this book and still not even be close.

"What's the use?" I thought.  And I stopped working on my manuscript.


After some wallowing I began to suspect I'd been victim to a sneak attack by the Demon Triumvirate:
Insidious Sam (the demon of worry), Kakorr (the demon of fear), and Aunt Fay (the demon houseguest of fatalism). 

Picture
WORRY
Picture
FEAR
Picture
FATALISM
PictureTHOMAS
But then I learned that Sam, Fay and Kakorr had been on Walk-About for the past month (long story--don't ask) and therefore could not be the guilty parties.  Snickerdoodle, Vex, Davy Jones and the rest of the colorful lot are also accounted for, and my ducks are all squared away, too (if not in a neat row). 

So who's been sabotaging my manuscript submission efforts?

Allow me to introduce Thomas, the demon of self-doubt.

Thomas is not exactly a new demon.  It's not like I've never felt self-doubt before.  It's just that he's usually accompanied by a hoard of other demons who mask his appearance. 

Take Worry, for example.  Self-doubt can often be an underlying element of worry.  Same for Fear, Fatalism, Perfectionism.  Even Procrastination and Distraction can have roots in self-doubt.

When he's not lurking in the shadow of another demon, Thomas usually reveals himself by whispering subtle, seemingly helpful warnings:

Don't wear that -- people will ridicule you.
Better not go on stage -- you'll trip, say something stupid, or otherwise make a fool of yourself.
You shouldn't write that -- it makes you sound naive and dumb.
For goodness' sake, don't submit your manuscript to an agent -- you'll be a laughing stock.
Getting published?  Forget about it.  Everyone will know you're a hack and a fraud.


Obviously if I ever hope to finish editing my manuscript and submit it to the perhaps-no-longer-feeling-quite-so-patient agents, I must banish Thomas.  But how?

I've tried cigars, coffee, calamine lotion, reggae music, advice from my mentor, unplugging the phone, Post-It Notes, antacids, duct tape, dreamcatchers, nightlights, chamomile tea, and sticking my fingers in my ears.  But none of these trusted demon-defenses work on Thomas.
PictureBRUCE

Unless Bruce Willis is available to babysit me for the weekend, I'm at a serious loss.

Please help me out here--


What do you use to banish self-doubt?





9 Comments
Densie Webb
9/6/2013 10:19:56 pm

Ah, the writing demons. They're doing their demon dance around me as well. Got my mss back from my DE 3 months ago and decided to let it rest before diving in. One crazy summer with a impossible work load has now passed, and I finally convinced myself it was safe to go back in the water. Just 2 nights ago I opened up the file and read through the comments, edits, suggestions. Feel sucker punched. Overwhelmed. Discouraged. Fatalistic. Hard...to...breathe. Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but just a little. Not even sure where to begin the revisions. Wondering if it's worth it. Wondering if I'm deluded myself. Wanting to be a writer of fiction doesn't make it so. Even the 10,000 hour theory won't work, if you don't have the writing chops. Soooo, reevaluating. I'm stubborn enough that I'm sure this 4-year project will continue. But some of us aren't getting any younger. :-) Anyway, I feel your pain. Hope we can both banish our demons and push on.

Reply
Chris Mandeville
9/7/2013 02:03:05 am

Wow, Densie, it sounds like we're in the same boat!

Doesn't anyone have a spray or gel or some kind of advice to help us banish these demons?

Reply
Aaron Brown
9/9/2013 07:23:11 am

Densie,

One of the major reasons we created Delve was to have a community in place that could help pick we writers up after our harshest blows. Having read some of your work, I do think you have the chops and that this is just part of the process. Please do keep at it and know that we are very much here for you.

Reply
Kristi Lloyd
9/7/2013 12:14:28 am

Getting feedback can be scary. It's great when people love what we've written, but we need to remember that it's also great that those same people can feel comfortable telling us about the things they didn't like too. It gives us a chance to fix or tweak a few things and then send it into the world. We can't aim to please everyone, that would be impossible. The best we can do is to do the best we can! The hard part comes in trusting that we have done a great job.

Reply
Chris Mandeville
9/7/2013 02:32:40 am

Thanks, Kristi. You're right, of course. Sometimes it really helps for someone else to point out the silver lining to me. Perspective and gratitude. I shall try to make that my motto!

Reply
Jennifer Lovett Herbranson link
9/7/2013 08:14:12 am

Goodness gracious Chris! I have the WORST demons and have no idea how to get rid of them. Ignoring them won't make them go away...I've been trying all year. I truly have no answer to your question but it certainly helps to know I'm not alone. All writers seem to go through this and pushing through it may be the only answer.

Reply
Aaron Brown
9/9/2013 07:27:01 am

This post definitely hits a sensitive spot for me as well. I think self-doubt is the demon I wrestle with most. Perhaps the mere fact that we're all battling this one together provides some solace. Yes? I mean maybe that is the way to put this demon down, gather your tribe and face it together?

Reply
Chris Mandeville
9/9/2013 07:42:49 am

Yes, Aaron. It's already helping!

Reply
Mardra link
9/10/2013 07:59:00 am

My poor husband. He has to live with me and all of my demons. He has to fight them FOR me some days. I should be nicer to him...

Reply



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    Author

    Chris Mandeville is the president of Delve Writing and a writer of "new adult" novels and a non-fiction project for writers. 

    This is the chronicle of her journey to define and achieve her writing goals.

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